I wonder how many people are exhausted, not because they're working too hard, but because they're trying too hard, trying to keep everyone happy, trying to make a good impression, trying to look like they have everything all together, trying to make sure that nobody sees the cracks. Maybe you've done that. I know for sure that I have. In fact, in full transparency, if you knew how many times it's taken me just to get to this part of the podcast and how many takes it has been, it's kind of embarrassing. But now you know, and this is growth for all of us. But have you walked into work before and you had confidence on your face, but on the inside you were questioning yourself? Or how many times have you smiled even though that your heart was heavy? Or somebody asks you, "How are you doing?" And you automatically answer with the phrase, "Oh, I'm good," even though you're anything but good. Why? Why do we do that? Because somewhere along the way, we learn something. Image is safer than honesty. Image gets the applause. Image gets promotions. Image gets accepted. Hey, social media image gets likes. But image comes with a price because eventually you have to protect the person everyone thinks that you are instead of becoming the person you were created to be, and I think that's one of the loneliest places a person can live, and that's what I wanna talk to you about today. Welcome to Pilot Light. I am your host Josh, and you know most people aren't looking for another self-help podcast. They are looking for a reminder, a reminder of who they are, a reminder of what matters, a reminder that their story is not over. So wherever you are listening from, whether you are driving to work or you're standing in a hardware store wondering how a 10-minute project somehow turned into three trips, been there. Trying to quietly eat snacks in the pantry before your kids discover you, I see you, or sitting in your truck pretending you're thinking when you're really just enjoying five minutes of silence. Hey, I am glad you're here. Let's light the pilot light. You know, I've always been fascinated by people, why they do what they do, why two people can go through similar experiences and come out completely different. For example, my two stepsons, they are identical twins. People confuse them all the time, and they're always asking, "Which one is that?" And it's hilarious to me because they are so different. They can be genetically identical, but personalities, they are so different. And that happens in life too, where two people can go through similar experiences and come out completely different. And if I'm honest, you know, one of the people that I've spent most of the time trying to understand is me. There was a season when I realized I was carrying something that I didn't even know I had: an image. And it wasn't in an arrogant way, not because I wanted people to think that I was better than I was. Actually, it was almost the opposite. I wanted people to know I could be counted on. I wanted to be dependable. I don't know if it's a firstborn thing or what, but I wanted to be competent, I wanted to be helpful, I wanted to be strong. You know, if someone needed something, I wanted to be the guy who figured it out. You know, and on the surface, that sounds, you know, pretty healthy until one day I asked myself a question that stopped me in my tracks. And here's the question: Would I still know who I was if all of it disappeared? And what if I lost the title? What if I wasn't the one people called? What if I couldn't fix the problem? What if I wasn't dependable anymore? Who would I be? You know, and that's not an easy question because many of us have spent years building a reputation without realizing that we have neglected our identity. I remember looking back over a different season of my life and, you know, working hard, trying to do the right thing, trying to carry responsibility well, trying to make people proud, trying not to disappoint anyone, and somewhere in all of that, I slowly began confusing what I did with who I was. You know, what's interesting is I've made a transition career-wise after 18 years, uh, managing in a dental field and now managing in, in juvenile court. It's fascinating going from those two areas there because you go from being where you were the one called upon, you're the one that had the knowledge, you're the one who, who people look to, and as I started this new job to be the new guy and, and all of a sudden realizing I have no clue what I'm doing. There's general principles and things like that and, and leadership was still sits there in your heart, but as far as what to do, I had no clue. And so you think that everyone's looking at that image that you have created, the resume that's put out there, the, the things that they've talked about, like, "Oh, we're getting this guy from over here," or whatever it may be, but you realize that your image only carries you so far, and it's more important to understand about your identity. So there's one day this, this all hit me, you know, and, and here's the thing. Image asks, "What do people think about me?" And I remember going into my new job, and that was one of the things I, I literally thought about. Like, "I wonder what they think about me." In fact, I've had that recently where I'm like, you know, I'm trying to do the best I can and, and trying to really add to the culture and who we are and, and following in the footsteps of some amazing people that have worked there before. And I ask the question, "What do people think about me?" But yet identity asks, "What does God know to be true about me?" Those are completely different questions. One changes every day. The other never changes. One depends on public opinion. The other depends on truth. One is really fragile. The other is secure. And suddenly I realize why I had been so tired. I had been carrying something I was never supposed to carry. I was trying to manage perception instead of developing character. So here's the big idea around that. Here's what I've learned. Image is what you spend your life trying to convince people of. Identity is what remains true when nobody believes it. I want you think about that for a second. Image is what you spend your life trying to convince people of. Identity is what remains true even when nobody believes it. You can fool people. You can't fool your identity. You can impress people. You can't impress your own soul. You can build a reputation, but if that reputation becomes more important than your character, eventually you'll start protecting the reputation instead of growing the character, and that's exhausting. Because image constantly asks for maintenance. Character asks for formation. One is cosmetic, the other is transformational. So here's the thing, image needs an audience. Image only survives when someone is watching. That's why social media can be so exhausting. We're constantly tempted to curate our lives. We post the vacation, not the argument. We post the promotion, not the insecurity, the celebration, not the tears. Again, there's nothing wrong with sharing good moments, but when we're only comfortable showing polished moments, we slowly begin believing our own highlight reel. Transparency once again on this. I remember when I went through my divorce, and I was raising three kids by myself, and one of the things I wanted to do was I wanted to basically, uh, keep a snapshot of those moments of my kids' life. But I remember there was a period of time there where my kids were looking at me going, "Dad, you're taking a picture of everything." Well, the reason why was because I was putting that on social media, one, just to let everybody know, "Hey, I'm okay over here," when really I wasn't. I was literally broken at that point. But here I was trying to make this picture-perfect thing of making it look like, man, life is fantastic, life is great. Look at all the cool things that me and my kids are getting to do. And it was true to a degree because I loved that period of time, and I wouldn't trade that for anything. But the realities were I was a broken puppy during that moment in time in my life, and it was the only thing that I had, and it was all about propping up my image. Did that have anything to do with my identity? No, my identity was already secure and known at that point in time. My identity is what got me through that process. Image is what I pretended to be so that people thought I was okay. Again, like I said, there's nothing wrong with sharing good moments. But when we're only comfortable showing polished moments, and that's where I was at, we slowly begin believing our own highlight reel. And meanwhile, the people around us start comparing their real life to our edited version. And I want you to know right now if you look back on that period of life and you're like, "Oh man, he had it all together. Look at all the cool things he got to do. Look at all the fun stuff he had with his kids," please do not compare your life in that moment to mine, because there was a lot of moments and, and hard times during that period of time. And if you want to talk to me about some, I could give you some stories But I don't want you to compare my highlight reel to what life really is like, to our edited version, because everybody loses. Because nobody actually lives there, okay? I don't care what kind of, uh, influencer is out there on whatever social media device, whatever could be on there, but nobody actually lives in that place where life is perfect. H- here's the second thing I wanna just drive home to you real quick. Identity grows in private. Some of the most important work that God does happens when nobody is clapping. It's in ordinary Tuesdays. It's in quiet obedience. It's in keeping your word. It's owning your mistakes. It's apologizing first, choosing integrity when no one else would even know about it. Those moments rarely get applause, but they shape who you're becoming. And here's something that I've noticed. The people with the deepest roots usually spend the least amount of time trying to convince everyone that they're strong, because they don't need to. Healthy trees don't spend energy proving they're alive. They just bear fruit. You know, Jesus never managed an image. One of the things I love about Jesus is that He never seemed to obsess with protecting His reputation. People misunderstood Him all the time. They criticized Him, they questioned Him, they walked away from Him, they accused Him, and yet He never chased approval. He stayed anchored in who His Father said He was. Think about that. Before Jesus performed a miracle, before He preached a sermon, before He healed anyone, His Father declared, "This is my beloved Son with whom I am well pleased." Identity came first. Everything else flowed from it. What if we lived that way? What if approval wasn't something that we chased, but something that we lived from? Can I ask you something real quick? How much energy are you spending managing an image? How often do you worry about what people think? And let me tell you, I'm, I'm asking myself these same questions, so don't think I'm just pointing at you. How many decisions are being shaped by approval instead of conviction? Who are you trying to impress? And here's the hardest question. If nobody applauded, would you still choose the life you're living? Whoo! Ouch. If nobody applauded, would you still choose the life you're living? Sit with that, because your answer might reveal whether you're building an image or becoming a person. Here's the challenge for you. This week Practice one act of hidden integrity. Do something good. You know, one of my hopes for this entire podcast is there's so much garbage out there, and there's so many things that are just negative in the world, and so many things that we can... that captivate our attention that we just, we paint this dark picture of what the world looks like. Let's be different than that. So let's go do something good in the world, not because we get applause for it or anything else. Go do it because integrity shows that you should do those things. Do something that nobody ever is gonna know that you did. Just do something kind for somebody. Encourage someone anonymously. Do you know how many people just need encouragement? Serve without recognition. Don't try to get the pat on the back based on your service. Don't look to someone and go, "Well, look what I did for you. Why can't you give me some, some attaboys?" Serve without recognition. Or how about apologize without defending yourself? How often do we do that? "I'm sorry, but..." Don't, don't add the but. Just say, "I'm sorry." Tell the truth when it costs you something, not because someone is watching, but because it's who you are becoming. That's where identity grows So in closing, years from now, people may forget your accomplishments. They're gonna forget your job title. They're gonna forget how much money you made. They're gonna forget your resume, but they will remember how they felt around you. They will remember your integrity. They will remember your peace, your kindness, your courage, your authenticity, because image impresses people for a moment, but identity impacts people for a lifetime. So maybe today is an invitation not to polish the outside, but to strengthen what's underneath. Because when the storms come, and they always do, image collapses. We, we see it all the time. All you gotta do is look, you know, just do a Google search, and you can see some of your favorite people or the most... The stars that have it all together, and eventually the storm comes, and the image collapses. But you've also seen the people, and I love these stories, when at all odds are against them, an identity rises up, an identity stands in the end. Those are the people that we look to. Those are the- That's the flame that we wanna pass on. That's the legacy that we want to challenge people with, and that's my hope. Oh, man, that's my hope for this podcast, is I wanna rise up, um, a people that live in identity, that wanna live in legacy, that wanna share that legacy with others. And instead of leaving a, a, a generation in ashes, we light that pilot light in their lives so that they can be who God created them to be. All right. Hey, thanks for spending a few moments with me today. If this conversation made you think of someone, pass the flame. Send it to them. You never know what one conversation may ignite. And remember, see farther, live deeper, become who you were created to be. You were created to be a fire, not just a flicker. So keep the pilot light on, and I will see you next time