Have you ever looked around at your life and wondered why you are so exhausted? I'm not talking about physically exhausted. I'm talking about soul exhausted. The kind of tired that sleep just won't fix. The kind of tired that when you wake up in the morning, you automatically start thinking about every single thing that needs to get done, the bills, the responsibilities, the people counting on you, the emails, the expectations, the deadlines, the commitments. You show up, you work hard, you take care of your family, you try to do the right thing, you try to be dependable, you're trying to be responsible, you're trying to be a good husband, a good wife, a good parent, a good Christian, a good leader, a good employee, a good friend. And yet, underneath all of it is this quiet question that most people never say out loud Am I enough? I think more people are carrying that question than we actually realize, and I think some of us have become experts at looking successful while secretly feeling absolute exhaustion. And I think many of us have spent years trying to answer that question the absolute wrong way, and that's what we want to talk about today. Welcome to Pilot Light. I'm Josh, and I'm your host. And you know what? Most people are not looking for another self-help podcast. They're looking for a reminder, a reminder of who they are, a reminder of what matters, a reminder that their story is not over. So wherever you're listening from, whether you're driving to work, mowing the lawn, sitting in your office, or trying to catch your breath after a really long day, hey, thanks for being here. Let's light the pilot light. I have spent a lot of my life trying to earn things that couldn't actually be earned. Things like approval, acceptance, worth, value. Raise your hand if, if any of these are catching your attention. You know, I didn't know that's what I was doing at the time. In fact, if you would have asked me, say, twenty years ago, "Why are you working so hard?" I would have given you every single one of the right answers. I am providing, I'm serving, I am helping, I'm leading, I'm being responsible. And all those things were true, but they weren't the whole truth, because underneath those good things was something that I couldn't even see. I had started measuring my worth by my usefulness. You see, the more I accomplished, the better I felt. The more people needed me, the more valuable I felt. The more problems I solved, the more secure I felt. And here's what's really dangerous about that, because here's the deal: the world rewards it. People praise it. You get the promotion. You get recognition. People tell you how dependable you are, how hard you work, how much they appreciate you, and slowly, slowly, slowly, without realizing it, your identity starts getting tied to your performance. And I know that road because I have walked it. There were seasons of my life where I felt responsible for everything. If someone was struggling, I wanted to help. If there was a problem, I needed to solve it. If something was broken, guess what? I needed to fix it. And while those things sound absolutely noble, they can become dangerous when your worth becomes attached to them. Because eventually you start carrying weight that you were never designed to carry. You begin believing that if you are not producing, you're not valuable, and if you're not helping, you're not valuable. If you're not succeeding, you're not valuable. If you're not needed, you're not valuable. And that is an exhausting way to live Through this podcast journey, I'm gonna be sharing some personal stories of things that I have gone through in my own life to get me to this place of understanding about our identity and the difference between image and identity, and some of the things that I had to walk through, and the scars and the pains and, and some of the things that validate me being able to talk to you about this. And so kind of going back to this real quick, and one of the stories I'm just gonna start with, and, and over our time together in this podcast, you will get a better picture of some of the stuff that I've been through. But I'm just gonna give you a quick just picture for me. I remember sitting in the bedroom of the barn I was living in. I had three kids that were in the house. Um, my oldest, uh, has autism, and my youngest at the time was two. And I had just walked through this period of time where my marriage had completely collapsed and was ending. I was pastoring a church that I had started that was crumbling, and I quit because my marriage was falling apart, and it didn't feel like it was ap-appropriate for me to lead a church while my marriage was completely falling apart. And so I stepped away from that. Um, in the middle of this, I was losing the brand-new house that was built. Uh, I was losing that. And my finances were an absolute wreck. And I remember sitting there in that room and feeling the entire weight of the world on my shoulders because when you don't have any resources, and even people around you, because during that period of time, everybody left. I-- You know, I had family members and obviously people that stuck around that were close, but the general group of people around me left because they didn't know what to do. And so I remember feeling the weight of like going, "Man, I've got three kids that I've got to take care of in this." And, uh, and there's, there's nothing that kicks in performance like being up against the wall and needing to take care of things. But I realized through that process that as I lost the identity of being pastor, and I lost the identity of being a husband, as I lost the identity of being a homeowner, and I lost all those things within really a year's time, all of a sudden you're looking at yourself in the mirror going, "Who am I?" Every single thing and every image that I have worked towards, all the purpose and all the, the schooling and all of the, the hard work and behind the scenes and everything else came crashing down into a heap of ashes. And I remember just thinking in that moment, "What do I do now?" But there was a moment, and I'll get to more of the story as we progress together, and really this is a journey for all of us. And my point is in sharing some of these stories is, one, so you get an understanding of some of the things that I've been through. But the really, the heart of this is you. It's you who are listening because I wanna be what I didn't have in those dark moments. Maybe you just need someone that's gonna encourage you. Maybe you need someone that reminds you of who you are. Maybe you need, as you're walking through some of these things, because I guarantee you, people are listening, you're walking through some of this very things that I will talk about, and I wanna challenge you in the identity of who you are. But going back to that, one day I realized something, that the problem wasn't that I wasn't working hard enough, 'cause I was. The problem wasn't that I needed more discipline. The problem wasn't that I needed some other plan or something. In fact, during that period of time, I was reading. I, I became just focused on other podcasts and, and reading audiobooks and self-help things and just trying to kinda pull my life together and figure out like, "Okay, I need to figure some stuff out here." But the problem is that it wasn't one of those things. It wasn't another productivity system or another goal or another accomplishment, because the problem was a whole lot deeper. Because I had confused with who I was with what I did Uh, and I, I hope that kind of rings a, a chord in you. I had confused who I was with what I did. That identity as pastor at that time, that becomes... I mean, people call you that. I still have people to this day that call me that, and I've been out of ministry for easily over a decade. It's an identity thing, and you think that your worth is in that. Like, if I just did the right thing, if that identity is there, then I, then I should be walking in that. But I had confused who I was with what I did. I love this phrase that we are human beings, not human doings. So anyway, I had built an identity around performance, and performance is a cruel master because it never says, "Good job." It always says, "More. More success, more achievement, more proof, more validation, more evidence that you are enough." And the finish line keeps moving every single time. I don't care what you do. When you are trying to build your identity around performance, there is never enough. You will be chasing it for the rest of your life, and eventually you have to get to a point where you say, "Enough of the treadmill." You know, that's when a thought hit me that completely changed the way that I look at life. What if life isn't a test? Now, uh, I want you to think about this for a moment. I just got through the season with my kids. Um, I have three kids at home still, and, uh, all three of them just graduated from high school. Uh, three, yes. So just, you know, you can say a prayer for, for my wife and I. Um, I will get into that story too, how I have three at home that, uh, just graduated from high school together. But, uh, kind of the, the quick summary of that is my youngest daughter, uh, and my wife, uh, her two boys who are twins, they're all the same age. So when we got together, we've been basically raising, like, triplets. It's kind of a crazy thing, and people look at us and go, "How do you have three of them?" It's not... There's two different, almost different birthdays. But anyway, totally other thing. But we just got through this whole season of where they graduated, and I'm watching this whole process, and I-- it came to me. I'm like, the entire school process is a test. Did they pass the test? And we kind of condition our kids for this idea that you get this instant result back. Like, you do the work, and it comes back to you. But I don't know about you, but when you go out in life, if you operate that way, you're gonna have a rude awakening because when you're wanting someone to just acknowledge that, hey, you're doing a great job, it's kind of hard to come by sometimes. There's not a lot of people that are out there because everyone's worried about themselves. No one's out there sitting there going, "Man, you're fantastic. You did a great job." Now, there are some great people out there, and I have had some amazing leaders around me that are really good about that. But the general public is not. We, we struggle in our marriages, we struggle with our friendships, we struggle with our kids, and all those different areas, and we really hold back on giving people affirmation for the jobs that they do. So these kids that just got done getting all these aw- awards and, and scholarships, and you did great at this, and you get a gold star, and you get to wear these cords, and all these different things are gonna be walking into a world where all of a sudden everything stops. And then they're gonna get on the treadmill of going, "If I just perform more," because that's what school taught me, "If I perform more, then I will get more accolades. I will People will look at me differently. I, I will get this." But going back to that, what if life isn't a test? What if life is training? I, I remember in when I went through school and I went through college, one of the biggest things that was an eye-opener for me is, is the idea that, you know, we always think of school as being these hurdles that you just go over and you just gotta do the thing. But I remember someone teaching, you know, talking to me about college, and they said, "College isn't about getting over the hurdles." I mean, you gotta do that. I mean, I'm not gonna say you don't. But that person told me, they said, "College is to teach you how to learn And when you understand that, it's also about life too. So what if life is training? What if life is about learning? Think about how differently those two things feel. Let me go back to that. What if life isn't a test? What if life is training? Because a test determines your worthiness. Training, however, develops your capability. A test says prove yourself. Training says grow yourself. A test says don't fail. Training says learn. A test ends with a grade. Training ends with transformation. And suddenly I started realizing something. I had been treating huge parts of my life like a test. Work was a test. Leadership was a test. Ministry was a test. Parenting was a test. Faith was a test. Success was a test. Failure was definitely a test. Everything felt like a scorecard. Any- anybody keeping score out there? I don't know if it's like my golf game. I don't like to look at the scorecard very much, but in life, we look at the scorecard all the time, and we're comparing people all the time. Just open up your, your Instagram or your Facebook, and then you pull out your little scorecard and say, "Well, at least I'm not like them." Or you're also going, "At least, I don't know, uh, I'm not like them. They're doing way better than me." And we pull this little scorecard out, and we, we judge ourselves based on what we see, what other people are doing, and everything feels like a scorecard. Everything feels like it's being evaluated. Everything feels like, you know, in those moments that, you know, it's like I have to prove something. And I don't know, maybe you felt that too. Maybe every opportunity feels like a test. Maybe every mistake that you've made feels like it's just a verdict. Like, "Okay, I did this, therefore I am this." Maybe every criticism feels like confirmation that you're not enough. Maybe every success feels temporary because now you have to do it all over again. That's what performance-based identity does. It turns life into one giant report card, and eventually you become exhausted trying to maintain a grade that you were never meant to carry. Um, uh, let me say that one more time. Eventually you become so exhausted because you're trying to maintain a grade that you were never meant to carry. Now, as I move forward in this, I'm gonna always kinda add a piece of this. And, and like I told you that I was a pastor at one point in time in my life, and my faith is really important to me, and it's gotten me through some really, really dark moments. But this isn't a religious podcast. But I am gonna tie faith into these things on there, and, and I don't know where you land on this. Maybe you're, uh, just kinda new to the faith. Maybe, maybe you don't or you're just kinda just... It's not an important part of your life. Or maybe faith is a really important part of your life. One thing I do know, and I'm gonna tie in some scripture that come with this, because no matter where you land on the Bible, I still think there's really good principles to live by within there. Now, for me, they add a whole lot more, so I'm gonna add some of those things to it, and I hope it challenges you, and I hope it grows you, and I hope it speaks life to you. But one of the things about, uh, that I love about the gospel is that it completely destroys the idea that our worth is something that we earn. Because if we're honest, none of us can earn it. It's amazing because I think sometimes as Christians, we're some of the, the toughest critics out there, not only of each other, but also of ourselves. But if we really look to scripture and we look at the gospel message and it just... It honestly, it completely destroys the idea of our worth is something that we earned. We can't earn it because if we're honest, none of us can earn it. Scripture says plainly that our righteousness is like filthy rags. And so I want you to think about that. Even our best efforts aren't enough. And, and the crazy thing about that, it's actually really good news, okay? Um, you're sitting there going, "How is that good news?" Because if I can't earn my worth, then I also can't lose my worth every time I make a mistake. And I don't know about you, but I have not figured out this whole perfection thing. I don't know anybody else that's figured it out either. So if that's the case, and I can't earn my worth, and I also can't lose my worth every time that I do make a mistake, and so if God settled my identity before I proved anything, then I can stop living my life trying to prove it. I can start living from acceptance rather instead of or for acceptance, from approval instead of for approval, and that changes absolutely everything. So let me ask you a few questions. Where in your life are you still living like you are being graded? Work? Parenting? Marriage? How about your faith? Where's your leadership at? What are you trying to prove? Who are you trying to impress? Whose approval are you still carrying to this day? Whose voice, and we all have them, whose voice are you still trying to satisfy? And what would change if you genuinely believe that your worth was already settled? I want you to take a minute, and I want you to sit with that. What would change if you genuinely believe that your worth was already settled? Because that question might reveal more than you think. So here's your challenge this week I want you to pay attention to pressure. Not all pressure. This is the pressure underneath the pressure. Every time you feel anxious, every time you feel like you're failing, every time you feel like you're being graded, pause, and I want you to ask one question Am I trying to earn something that's already been given? And then all I want you to do is just notice it. I don't want you to judge it, just notice it. Because here's the thing awareness is where transformation begins. That's your task for this week. So in closing, one of the greatest lies that we believe is that our worth is waiting somewhere in the future. One more promotion, one more achievement, one more accomplishment, one more victory, one more success, then I will feel like I am enough. But what if that's not true? What if your worth isn't waiting at the finish line? What if it's been with you all along? And what if the invitation was never to prove yourself? What if the invitation was simply to become who you already are? And maybe that's what keeping the pilot light on, uh, this whole episode thing is all really about. It's not striving, it's not performing, it's not proving, but remembering. Remembering who God says you are, remembering what matters, remembering that your story is not over, and remembering that your value was never tied to your performance in the first place. Hey, thanks for spending a few moments with me today, and if this episode encouraged you, send it to someone who might need it. And remember, you don't need to become somebody else. You need to become more fully who you were created to be. So let's keep the pilot light on, and I will see you next time.